My life with a mental illness part two.

So here I am what a few hours after my last post and I am sitting here just about ready to scream, throw things throw my relationship out the window and why, because I saw some stupid little comment he made on some strangers picture calling her cute or something, and I am just so out of control right now I want to cry which I just might do, why does he feel the need to make comments like that to some skiny little thing, something that obviously I'm not and will never be, maybe if I was he wouldn't feel the need to make comments like that to other people, why am I not good enough, is he always looking at other girls, flirting with them at work, how far has it gone? has he come home late once or twice because the flirting went farther. Am I really that hideous? I must be if he feels the need to do that, to look at other girls, if he wants to look at them then why doesn't he just leave me already so he can go and flirt with and sleep with those nasty things I am sure he's thought about it, he probably thinks about it all the time...I am worthless and useless and I'm not worthy nor do I deserve him or happiness I mean obviously I can't keep him happy if his eyes are wandering.

And this is the kind of crazy that I deal with all the time, over the tiniest things, you would think writing it out would help but nope still I sit here upset.

My life with a mental Illness...

Ok so since I can't quite figure out how to make different catergories yet, this will have to be on the main page, so if anyone doesn't want to read this then skip over it and continue onto the coupons blogs.
 So I figured, since there isn't alot of people out there who will admit it let alone talk about this illness that I would blog about it, my struggles daily with it, how it affects my everyday life and the people in it, in a way it's therapy for me to be able to get it all out and also maybe to help other people understand it. Here it goes.

 So I am what you call BPD meaning Borderline Personality Disorder. here is a paragraph from borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com explaining what it is so you all get an idea of what it's like.
 "

what is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious and often life-threatening disorder that is characterized by severe emotional pain and difficulties managing emotions. The problems associated with BPD include impulsivity (including suicidality and self-harm), severe negative emotion such as anger and/or shame, chaotic relationships, an extreme fear of abandonment, and accompanying difficulties maintaining a stable and accepting sense of self. Thus, BPD is characterized by pervasive instability of mood, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and actions, often negatively affecting loved ones, family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity."

Sounds like alot of fun eh? everyday is horrible, it's a constant struggle trying to keep myself in check which is an impossible task, I have had this for as long as I can remember, but only recently after having my son did I talk to my Dr. about some things, I didn't tell him everything until a couple months ago, at which time he wrote a referal to a shrink, who gave me the diagnosis I have known for so long. I knew I couldn't handle it anymore with my kids I could see myself turning into my mother (my whole mother's side suffers from Mental Illness's) and I refused to have my kids go through it, even though sadly some days they do.


So I think this is long enough for now, and it gives everyone an idea of what it's like, but I am going to blog about it, what goes through my head what mood I'm in, It's such a nasty thing to try and live with, and I want to try and help educate people on it maybe someone they know or love is sufferering and maybe this will help.

Third and best shopping trip yet

Ok so after 4 days of planing alot of txt'ing to dandyprat haha, I had my stacks and my list all organized and set off for my third LD trip, they were out of alot of the things I wanted but I still did pretty good, here's how I did. Oh then last night I went with a friend to RCss of course brought my coupons (it was her shopping), anyway I found a few things a razor and shave gell = FREE, but our cashier OMG he was a bad one...he refused about half her coupons cuz they didn't look like the picture he couldn't get what I was telling him, so I said give it back I'll go up front and talk to so and so (I think then was when he figured out I work there lol) Anyway my friend got back 11 dollars from her coupons plus about 5-8 that did go through when we were leaving she couldn't beleive how much she got back lol she then said "I understand why you were mad" lol.

6x Old spice Deo's PM to RCSS= 11.94 - 11.94 in coups = FREE
Scope outlast PM to RCSS = 2.99-2 =.99
4x Dawn Dish soap= 6.79-5.79= 1.79 + Frebreeze starter kit FREE
2x Always infinity= 9.98-8.50=1.48
Colgate sensitve pro relief on sale for 4.99- 4.99 =FREE
bounce dryer bar= 3.99-1.50= 2.49
Campbells soups (forgot to PM) .58 each x 8 = 4.64 - 5= FREE
2x Pantene PM to Zellers = 7.98- 6.50= 1.48
2x Colgate toothpaste
4x Colgate toothbrush PM both to Zellers = 11.94 - 10 - 1.94
2x Crest toothpaste PM to WM = 2.50-2.50=FREE
2x Mr Clean PM to RCSS = 5.98- 4= 1.98 + Frebreeze starter kit
4x Febreeze PM to RCSS = 9.96 - 8 = 1.96 + Frebreeze kit free
3x Head and Shoulders PM to RCSS = 11.97 - 11.97 = FREE
3x Secret Deo PM to RCSS = 5.97- 5 = .97

all of it equals = 149.03 - 107.38 in coupons for a grand total of...=
41.65 OOP 13 of which was tax

and the best part I know have a stock pile of Toiletries that should last us at least 6 months yay. in my next post I will take a photo of my stock pile that I am very proud of so far

My Sad but alright weekend

So all week I had been looking forward to Girl's night out on Friday since we only do it once a month it's pretty exciting for me, but as the day drew closer people cancelled then the day of one girl her babysitter was avoiding her, so we cancelled the night out all together boo :( 
But on the bright side it gave me more time to prep for my next big shop which will be this Weds (so look for that blog when I get home) So far I have a pretty good list going including 24 cans of soup which will cost me a total of $2 that's right you read it right haha.
And now here I am on a Saturday night and about to get to my next project which sadly has been neglecting for a few days my TuTu business.
OH and I forgot to mention our washing machine died today, thankfully we had done enough loads so we should all have clean clothes until we get a new one this week sometime, sigh the joy's of being an adult lol. Well that's about all for now since I should get a TuTu started since it is almost Valentine's day I have a few V-day ones to finish

My second shopping trip

SO last night me and my friend headed out on our weekly kid free shopping, I did pretty good for my second time out. between two stores I saved 59.11 putting my Total savings for this year so far at 107 and change. here is my list of what I got

2x Old spice Deoderant 2.99 ea - 2x $1 = .99
1x Old spice body wash - 5.99 = Free when buy OS Deo
Bounce Dryer bar on sale 3.99- 1.50 in coups = 2.49
2x Airwick refill on sale 4.99 = 9.98 - BOGO = 4.99
4x Head and shoulders = 5.99 = 23.96 - $14 in coups = 9.96
2x Aussie hairstyle 3.99 = FREE WUB2 Head shoulders
2x Secret Deod 2.99= 5.98 - $4 in coups = 1.98
Gillette pro glide razor $9.99
2x pro glide face products 2.99 = 5.98 - $11 in coups = 4.97

total before coups 80.47
OOP = 32.99
Savings of 47.48

then we hit WM

Pringles 3 pack on sale 3.97
Catelli Smart = 1.27 - .75 = .52
M&M's + M&M's pretzel = BOGO = 2.88
Quaker bars sale $2 = $4
Colgate pro sensitve $4- $3 =$1
Mega Blocks $5 - $5coup = FREE

Total before Coups = 31.77
OOP = 20.14
Savings of 11.63

Grant total savings today of....59.11

It truly is amazing what you can do with a little prep work and planning, this whole coupon thing is amazing I can't believe I never started this sooner. oh and just for fun here is a photo of my haul

My first Coupn shop...

So after a few days of prep, consisting of organizing the coupons going through the flyers to hit the deals I left the house yesterday ready for my first coupon shop, it was amazing Looking at hair products I saw a lady looking at hair colours low and behold i Had coupons for those to, since I don't use hair color (My best friend is my stylist lol) I gave her all my coupons that right there made me feel good. Anyway here is a list of what I got at the end I will write down what I saved.

2 cans of Similac Sensitive regular price 28.97 on sale for 24.97 = 49.94
6 jars of Heinz baby food .80 =  4.80
1 tub of Chapman's Frozen Yogurt 3.99 = 3.99
Two Cans Satin care shave gel + one secret deoderant = 7.79 - 7.00 in coupons .79
two crest whitening toothpaste = 1.99 = 2.98 - $1 coupon = 1.98
two old spice deorderant 2.57 = 5.14 - $3 coupon = 2.14 - $1 coupon 1.14

total beofore coupons and discount = 74.62
after coupons =  62.62
minus 10% and pharmacy bucks
total came to 49.91
total savings of 24.61

not bad for a first trip out pretty exciting and now I'm waiting until my next stash of coupon's come in the mail, and for hte new weekly flyers.

oopsie

No I didn't forget about this blog, but the last few days have been insane, trying to get my coupon stash sorted, dealing with a teething baby, and three year old who's goal in life I swear is giving me a headache, and hanging out with some friends..oh and the TuTu orders...
So let's see I do have my first stash of coupons SO EXCITED to sort them and start using, once I get catagories on here different topics one of them be keeping track of my savings yay.

ok well quick msg I know but I have a house to clean after DD's last hissy fit.